Tantrums can feel overwhelming, both for you and your child. They often come from big emotions that children struggle to communicate—frustration, sadness, or simply feeling out of control. It’s hard to know how to help, especially in the heat of the moment.
I’m Carly Schrimpl, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and owner of Power Within Child Therapists. In this article, we’ll explore five tips to guide you in helping your child manage their tantrums and develop healthier coping skills.
#1: Model Coping Skills and Regulate Yourself
Children look to you for cues on how to handle emotions, especially big ones. But then, when your child is melting down, it’s easy to get caught up in your own emotions. You might feel frustrated, even angry, yourself. In such moments, it’s crucial to stay centered.
You can do this by modeling coping skills. Take a deep breath, or rock gently. Speak in a slow, steady voice, avoiding the temptation to engage in a power struggle.
When you show your child that it’s possible to work through strong feelings without losing control, they’ll start learning to do the same.
#2: Name and Validate Their Emotions
Even after you model coping techniques, your child may still feel overwhelmed and may not understand what’s happening inside. This is where naming and validating their emotions becomes key.
For example, you might say, “It looks like you’re feeling really frustrated right now” or even, “Woof, tough feeling, huh?” Naming their emotions helps them feel seen, understood, and in turn, reinforces that it’s okay to feel however they feel.
Just remember: while the behavior may not be okay, their feelings are valid. Acknowledging this helps children feel supported and teaches them the language to express their emotions more effectively.
#3: Offer Simple Choices When Possible
Tantrums often stem from a sense of powerlessness. When children feel like they have no control, it’s easy for frustration to bubble up. That’s why giving them simple choices can help them regain a sense of autonomy.
For example, instead of saying, “Pick up your toys now,” offer two choices: “Would you like to clean up your toys now or in five minutes?” This allows them to feel empowered while still encouraging cooperation.
It’s a small shift, but it helps children navigate their emotions without escalating the situation. You’re still the parent, but as a result, your child feels more in charge of the situation, which reduces resistance.
#4: Stop Talking
When we’re triggered or frustrated, we may feel the need to lecture or correct our child in the middle of their tantrum. This is understandable, yet it can make things worse. For this reason, it’s often best to stop talking altogether.
When children are in the midst of a tantrum, they aren’t processing your words. In fact, lectures and corrections can escalate the situation, adding more stress to both of you.
Instead, take a moment to pause. Give yourself time to regulate. By staying quiet, you also prevent saying things in anger or frustration that you might later regret.
You reduce the chance of saying words that hurt or confuse your child. In the end, when you stop talking you both get the chance to reset.
#5: Take a Break to Show They Can Too!
Sometimes you might find yourself so triggered by your child’s tantrum that you too need a break. It’s important to remember that you’re human. It happens.
When you take a break, you’re modeling healthy coping skills to your child. It’s an opportunity to collect yourself, so that you can return to the situation ready to help your child regulate as well.
A simple “Woo, let’s take a 5 minute break!” and stepping away for a brief moment can make a big difference. Whether it’s going to your room, getting a glass of water, or just shaking it off for a minute, this pause allows you to return to the situation with a clearer mind and a stronger sense of control. As a result, your child sees that it’s okay to take a moment when things get tough.
Managing tantrums is a journey. However, with patience, practice, and a few key strategies, you can help your child navigate these difficult moments.
Remember, these small, consistent actions build up over time. If you find that tantrums are becoming more frequent or seem tied to deeper emotional struggles, consider reaching out for professional support.
At Power Within Child Therapists, we specialize in helping children and families navigate these challenges. Reach out today, and together, we can help your child develop the tools they need to feel heard, loved, and supported—setting them on the path to emotional strength.
