Have you ever had one of those parenting moments where your child is completely losing it and suddenly you feel your own frustration rising right along with them?
Your child is yelling.
You’re repeating yourself for the fifth time.
And somehow everyone ends up stuck in a cycle that feels bigger than either of you planned.
In those moments, many go down to the developmental level of the kids their parenting.
Here’s what I mean.
When a 5 year old is tantruming, it can be common for the parent to start yelling and also tantruming back. Example “Gosh, stop it!!!”
Or when your 12 year old is talking back, it is also common for the parent to be sassy back to their child. Example “Well, I told you to do it.”
Here’s something important to know. Parenting isn’t just about being the adult in the room. It’s about learning how to be the grown-up in the relationship.
I’m Carly Schrimpl, Licensed Clinical Social Worker and owner of Power Within Child Therapists, where I work with children and parents to help families better understand emotions, behavior, and the relationship between them.
One framework I often share with parents comes from Circle of Security Parenting, which focuses on helping caregivers become what children need most, a secure base and a safe haven.
And one of the most helpful ideas from this model is learning how to be the grown-up in the relationship.
So what’s the difference between being an adult and being a grown-up?
An adult has authority.
Adults set rules.
Adults make decisions.
But a grown-up brings something more.
A grown-up is the one who can pause, stay curious, and guide the moment, even when emotions in the room are running high. A grownup is the bigger, stronger, and wiser person.
In the Circle of Security model, children move between two important needs.
They go out of the circle to explore the world. And they come back to the circle when they need support, reassurance, or help with big feelings.
As parents, our role is to be bigger, stronger, wiser, and kind, while supporting both parts of that circle.
Now here’s the tricky part.
When children feel overwhelmed, they often express it in ways that can push our own buttons.
They argue.
They resist.
Or they have big reactions.
And suddenly, the moment invites us into a choice. Do we get pulled into the storm with them? Or do we step into the role of the grown-up guide?
Being the grown-up doesn’t mean you have to be perfect. It simply means remembering that your child’s brain is still learning how to handle those big moments.
And your presence helps them figure out how.
According to Circle of Security parenting, children thrive when caregivers provide two important things:
- A secure base that encourages exploration.
- And a safe haven they can return to when things feel overwhelming.
When we show up as the grown-up, steady, curious, and supportive, we help our children learn that relationships are a place where they can come for guidance, repair, and understanding when the world gets tough.
And over time, those experiences help children build their own ability to navigate emotions and challenges.
Give yourself grace. Every parent has moments where they wish they could rewind and try again. Guess, what, you still can! You can reset and show a redo. You can apologize for what you did incorrectly.
That’s part of being human.
What matters most isn’t perfection. What matters is repair, reflection, and growth.
Because when children see adults taking responsibility, learning, and reconnecting, they learn that relationships can handle mistakes and still grow stronger.
Schedule an appointment at Power Within Child Therapists today and we’ll work together to build the emotional and relationship skills that help families navigate challenges with greater confidence and connection.
