“No. Don’t do that. Stop it.”
What did you notice in your body when I said that? A little jarring? Maybe a bit tense in your chest? Even though I’m just here on camera, you might have felt a tiny sting, like you did something wrong, or that I was shutting you down.
Now imagine you’re five years old. Or ten. And the person saying that is the person you love most in the world – your parent, your safe place.
For many kids, that’s not just a one-time thing… it’s something they hear over and over every single day.
I’m Carly Schrimpl, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and the owner of Power Within Child Therapists. I help children and teens who are struggling with anxiety, depression, ADHD, and big life changes learn how to communicate their needs, and help parents strengthen that connection with them.
Often, parents and caregivers use phrases like “No,” “Stop,” or “Don’t” as quick ways to correct behavior. It’s automatic. It’s what we heard growing up. And to be clear, there are moments where keeping a child safe means those words are necessary.
But when “No, Stop, Don’t” becomes the soundtrack of a child’s day, something deeper starts to happen, especially in the parent-child relationship and in the way a child sees themselves.
Children learn about who they are and what they’re capable of through the messages they receive from us.
If most of those messages are about what they’re doing wrong, they start to internalize that they are wrong. That they’re too much or not enough.
Over time, the focus shifts from “I made a mistake” to “I am a mistake.”
And here’s the hard truth:
When a child hears constant correction without as much encouragement, their self-esteem can take a big hit. They might become hesitant to try new things. Or, they might swing the other way, acting out more, because if they already believe they’re “bad,” what’s the point in trying to be “good”?
Now, let’s talk about kids with ADHD tendencies. Research shows that children with ADHD hear corrective or negative feedback about 6-8 times more than kids without it. 6-8 times!
Think about what that means: If a neurotypical child hears “No, Stop, Don’t” ten times a day, a child with ADHD tendencies might be hearing it thirty times.
That’s thirty reminders every single day that they’re not meeting expectations. And it’s not because they’re bad kids, it’s because their brains are wired differently.
When that cycle repeats day after day, year after year, the message can sink in deep: “I’m too much. I can’t do anything right.” That’s not just heartbreaking, it’s damaging to their sense of worth.
And, instead of seeing us as a safe place, they might start to see us as a source of constant judgment. That’s the opposite of what any of us want as parents.
So, what’s the alternative?
It’s not about never correcting, it’s about balancing correction with connection.
Instead of just saying, “Don’t run,” try:
“Walk, please. We want to stay safe.”
Instead of “No, don’t touch that!”
Try: “Let’s use gentle hands; that can break easily.”
The shift is subtle but powerful: you’re telling your child what to do instead of only what not to do. You’re guiding them while still affirming their value as a person.
If you catch yourself saying “No, Stop, Don’t” on repeat, pause. Ask yourself: What do I want my child to learn from this moment? And how can I say it in a way that builds them up instead of breaking them down?
Because when our kids know we believe in them, even in the messy, imperfect moments, they start to believe in themselves, too.
And that belief? That’s the power within them. And within you.
Schedule an appointment with us at Power Within Child Therapists. Together, we’ll help your child start to love themselves even when they make a mistake.
