A lot of parents come to me and say: “I don’t want to be controlling. I don’t want to be a dictator.”
So they back off. They soften. They try to be collaborative about everything.
And then they’re confused when their kid doesn’t respect them.
When their kid’s constantly testing boundaries. When nothing feels solid.
Hi, I’m Carly Schrimpl, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and the owner of Power Within Child Therapists, and I want to tell you something that might surprise you.
The thing that’s actually missing isn’t structure. It’s not rules or boundaries.
It’s confidence.
Your kid needs to see that you believe in yourself. Even when you don’t know the answer.
Confidence in parenting has nothing to do with being perfect. It’s about trusting yourself to figure things out.
Let me show you what that actually looks like.
#1: You don't know the answer in the moment.
Your child asks you something you’ve never thought about.
“Can I sleep at my friend’s house on a school night?”
Non-confident response: “Um… I guess? I mean, if you really want to… what do you think?”
Your child reads this as: My parent doesn’t trust themselves. Maybe I can convince them to change their mind.
Confident response: “That’s a good question. I haven’t thought about that before. I’m going to sit with it for a day and get back to you tomorrow morning.”
You’re not pretending to know. You’re being honest about the fact that you need time.
But you’re also saying: “I’m confident that I can figure this out. I don’t need to answer right now.”
That’s confidence. Not certainty. Confidence in yourself to figure it out.
#2: Your kid's upset and testing you.
Your child is frustrated about a boundary you’ve set.
Non-confident response: “Well, I know you’re mad, and I don’t like when you’re mad at me, so… maybe we can change the rule?”
Your child reads this as: If I’m upset enough, my parent will back down.
Confident response: “I know this is hard. I know you’re upset because you did not get the answer you wanted. I’m here with you while this is tough.”
You’re staying steady. You’re holding the boundary. You’re not moving it just because it’s uncomfortable.
That’s confidence in yourself as a parent.
#3: You make a mistake and need to adjust.
You lose your patience. You say something harsh. You realize immediately it wasn’t okay.
Non-confident response: Pretend it didn’t happen. Hope your kid forgets about it.
Confident response: “I lost my temper just now, and that wasn’t okay. I’m sorry. I’m going to handle this differently next time. And I know you and I are still good.”
What your child learns: Even when my parent messes up, they can handle it. They can be honest. And we’re still okay.
That’s modeling confidence. You’re showing them that mistakes don’t break you.
The common thread? In every scenario, you’re saying: “I might not know everything. But I trust myself. And that trust is solid.”
And that’s reassuring to a child.
So how do you actually build this confidence?
Start with one area.
Pick one thing where you’re going to get firmer. More confident. More clear.
Maybe it’s bedtime. Maybe it’s screen time. Maybe it’s morning routine.
One thing.
Practice your phrasing.
Instead of asking questions, use statements. Instead of softening, be direct.
Write it down. Say it out loud. Practice until it feels natural.
“It’s time for bed.”
“We’re leaving in five minutes.”
“The answer is no.”
Notice your kid’s response.
They might push back harder at first. That’s normal. They’re testing to see if you really mean it.
Keep going. Stay calm. Stay confident.
Within days, you’ll feel the shift. The testing will ease. The boundary will hold.
And you’ll realize: “Oh, I actually do trust myself.”
Get support if you need it. Confidence sometimes needs bolstering.
If you’re not sure what you believe as a parent, we can work on that.
Schedule a consultation with me and we can talk about where your confidence is shaky and how to build it back up.
Because when you believe in yourself? Everything shifts.
