You want to be a parent who engages with your kid. You want them to feel heard. Seen. Empowered.
And here’s what most parenting advice misses: You can do all of that without asking a single question.
In fact, the less you ask, the more secure your kid actually feels.
I’m Carly Schrimpl, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and the owner of Power Within Child Therapists, and I work with families on this all the time.
The goal isn’t to stop connecting with your kid. The goal is to connect and stay in your authority.
And that happens when you replace questions with observations.
Let me show you how.
#1: Use “seems like” instead of asking questions.
This is powerful because you’re naming what you see without asking them to explain themselves.
Instead of: “What are you trying to do?”
Say: “Seems like you’re trying to build something tall.”
Instead of: “Why are you upset?”
Say: “Seems like you’re frustrated right now.”
Instead of: “Are you having trouble listening?”
Say: “Seems like you’re having a hard time with the directions.”
See what’s happening? You’re showing your child that you see them. You understand what’s going on.
You’re not asking them to figure it out and tell you.
You’re observing. You’re present. You’re connected.
And your authority stays intact because you’re the one leading the observation. Your kid feels seen, which is what they actually want, without feeling interrogated
#2: Use “looks like” for behavioral observations.
This one is especially powerful because you’re reading their nonverbals without making it a question.
Instead of: “Do you need to go to the bathroom?”
Say: “Looks like you need to go to the bathroom.”
Instead of: “Are you having trouble putting your shoes on?”
Say: “Looks like you’re having a hard time with your shoes.”
Instead of: “Do you want help?”
Say: “Looks like you could use some help right now.”
Here’s why this matters:
Kids communicate constantly through their body language, their facial expressions, their behavior.
When you ask questions, you’re actually missing that communication.
But when you observe, when you say “looks like,” you’re saying: “I see you. I read you. I understand what’s happening without you having to explain.”
That builds such a deep sense of being known.
And it keeps you leading.
#3: Use “let's do it like this” and frame choices as statements, not questions.
This is where empowerment comes in. Real empowerment, not the kind that asks your kid to run the show.
Instead of: “Do you want to brush your teeth?”
Say: “Let’s brush our teeth now. You get to choose: you can go now, or in 2 minutes.”
Instead of: “Do you want to put your shoes on?”
Say: “Time for shoes. You can put them on yourself, or I can help you.”
Notice the shift?
You’re giving a directive. You’re staying in charge.
But you’re framing the choice as empowering: “You get to choose.”
The direction is non-negotiable. The way they do it? That’s where their power lives.
Here’s another example:
Instead of: “Would you like to get in the car?”
Say: “It’s time to get in the car. You can walk to the car, or I can give ya a piggy back ride you. Your choice.”
Or: “We’re leaving in two minutes. You can put your coat on now, or we can put it on in the car. You get to choose!”
The boundary is clear. The direction is set. But they’re not powerless.
They’re making a real choice within the structure you’ve created.
And that? That’s genuine empowerment.
And here’s the beautiful part:
You’re not guessing. You’re not asking them to do the emotional labor of explaining themselves.
You’re observing. You’re reading their nonverbals. You’re present.
Even when you get it wrong, and you will sometimes, your kid will show you in their body language.
They’ll let you know nonverbally.
And you notice: “Oh, I was wrong. Let me try that again.”
That’s also modeling security.
You’re saying: “I don’t have to be perfect. I can be curious. I can adjust. And we’re still okay.”
This is how you build a child who feels secure, seen, and supported.
Without asking a single question.
If you’re ready to shift how you’re engaging with your kid, to be more present, more observant, more connected, and you want to do it while staying firmly in your authority as the parent, let’s work together.
Schedule a consultation. We’ll talk about your family’s specific dynamics and I’ll help you find the language that feels natural to you.
