Have you ever had one of those parenting moments where your child suddenly explodes and you become the target?
Maybe they shout:
“You’re the worst parent ever!” or “I hate you!”
Or they throw themselves on the floor because you cut their sandwich the wrong way.
And in that moment, it can feel really personal.
You might think:
“Why are they treating me this way?” or “What did I do wrong?”
But here’s a perspective shift that can completely change how you see those moments:
It’s not about you. It’s about them.
When children have a tantrum, there is almost always something deeper happening underneath the behavior.
I’m Carly Schrimpl, Licensed Clinical Social Worker and owner of Power Within Child Therapists, where I help children and parents understand the deeper meaning behind behavior and build skills to navigate those big emotional moments.
One idea that can be incredibly helpful for parents comes from Synergetic Play Therapy, developed by Lisa Dion and taught through the Synergetic Play Therapy Institute.
In this model, children often communicate their inner world through something called “the set-up” or “offering.”
Here’s what that means.
Sometimes children will unconsciously create situations that allow their inner feelings to come to the surface.
Instead of saying,
“I feel scared,”
“I feel powerless,”
or
“I feel overwhelmed,”
They might set up a situation where those feelings can be expressed through behavior and you, the parent, begin to feel it.
According to the Synergetic Play Therapy Institute, this “offering” is the child’s way of inviting the adult into their emotional experience.
In other words, they’re saying:
“Can you help me with this feeling I don’t understand yet?”
Because children don’t always have the words or the awareness to explain what’s happening inside them, it can come out through their behavior as yelling, crying, or pushing limits.
For example, let’s say your child melts down when it’s time to turn off the TV. On the surface, it might look like they’re just being difficult, but underneath, there might be something else going on.
They felt out of control because they did not get what they wanted. That meltdown becomes the set-up. The moment where their inner experience spills out.
And you, the parent, are being invited into it.
Welcome to the pain.
When we take the behavior personally, it’s easy to get pulled into a power struggle. But when we shift our perspective and ask: “What is my child trying to show me right now?” or “What am I feeling right now?”, everything changes.
Instead of reacting to the behavior, we can start showing what to do with the feeling that the child is offering you.
And that’s where growth happens.
If you’re finding yourself stuck in repeated cycles of tantrums, power struggles, or emotional outbursts with your child, there is help.
At Power Within Child Therapists, we work with children and parents together to understand the meaning and feelings behind behavior and build practical skills that support emotional growth.
If you’d like support for your child or guidance as a parent, schedule an appointment at Power Within Child Therapists today. Because when we understand what our children are really trying to show us, those challenging moments can become powerful opportunities for connection and growth.
